As i look outside and see resplendent sunshine i wonder how my beautiful daughter is. Not a moment goes by when she is not in my thoughts. But i can control my thoughts far easier than she can right now.
The brain is a weird and wonderful entity, one minute it can fill us with greatness and wisdom, the next we can become debilatated by mental illness and anxieties that seriously make no sense at all.
As i tell people (usually friends) about my daughter, i even find it hard to believe sometimes, that what i am saying is real. I hear my words, and they sound like a far fetched fairy tale…without the magic. But thats the thing, its not really real as it’s all in her head, make believe, her brains way of protecting my daughter , a security blanket so much so that i am sure the brain is patting itself on the back saying “i’ve got your back, i’m here to protect you, you’re safe with me around kiddo!”
But the sad factor is that it’s not protecting her, it’s ruining her life. She’s is unable to remember the happy events in her life, she struggles to sit on furniture.
The ‘we’ is my husband, myself and our son. We are contaminated, this is her OCD. She is afraid that we will contaminate her…with what, no one actually knows. I have not held my daughter for so many months, i have almost forgotten what she smells and feels like to hold against me. My heart has broken and tinkled into a million pieces more than once.
She has been in Hospital for 3 and a half months; 101 days; 2424 hours. Our pilgrimage